Today was a hard day. I had been so motivated and making progress financially. And today, the behaviour of certain family members was too much. I have been steady getting tired of the dynamic, but avoided confrontation. Trying to keep my head down and stay focused. But an hour ago, I just started crying. Their behaviour hurts me. Their lack of consideration of and respect for me hurts me. A lot. I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. It. Hurts.
Now, I’m sitting here ugly crying and shuffling speaking aloud what I’m grateful for. All my plans and goals. First card I feel and see is Ten of Swords. Yea.
More shuffling. Nothing is coming out. By now, the crying has stopped and I look at the bottom of the deck and it’s The Lovers. I’m a Gemini.
Continue reading “Pull Up”
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I’ve been having a rough go of it with emotions relating to my self esteem/identity and unresolved hurts from both childhood and a previous relationship. Some of these things I have outlined on here in previous posts. Part of the reason why I’ve had a rather long absence from posting is I just did not want to face any of it. Cancer season is emotional. I really don’t like talking about my feelings. Well, I can talk about them in an abstract and clinical way. I just don’t want to feel them. But tonight I gave up fighting it and just sat there and listened.
The meditation was an improvised thing. I was praying/meditating and pulling cards for guidance on why I’ve been so destructive. Towards the end of the reading two cards came out. Ten of Swords, Three of Swords. Both reversed.
Pull these swords out.
Clear as day. So, I put those two cards at the top of my desk. Studied them. Felt them. And just went with it.
I closed my eyes and returned to shuffling.
Continue reading “Swords Reversed Meditation”