Pull Up

Today was a hard day. I had been so motivated and making progress financially. And today, the behaviour of certain family members was too much. I have been steady getting tired of the dynamic, but avoided confrontation. Trying to keep my head down and stay focused. But an hour ago, I just started crying. Their behaviour hurts me. Their lack of consideration of and respect for me hurts me. A lot. I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. It. Hurts.

Now, I’m sitting here ugly crying and shuffling speaking aloud what I’m grateful for. All my plans and goals. First card I feel and see is Ten of Swords. Yea.

More shuffling. Nothing is coming out. By now, the crying has stopped and I look at the bottom of the deck and itโ€™s The Lovers. I’m a Gemini.

Continue reading “Pull Up”
Advertisements

Swords Reversed Meditation

Embed from Getty Images

Iโ€™ve been having a rough go of it with emotions relating to my self esteem/identity and unresolved hurts from both childhood and a previous relationship. Some of these things I have outlined on here in previous posts. Part of the reason why Iโ€™ve had a rather long absence from posting is I just did not want to face any of it. Cancer season is emotional. I really donโ€™t like talking about my feelings. Well, I can talk about them in an abstract and clinical way. I just donโ€™t want to feel them. But tonight I gave up fighting it and just sat there and listened.

The meditation was an improvised thing. I was praying/meditating and pulling cards for guidance on why Iโ€™ve been so destructive. Towards the end of the reading two cards came out. Ten of Swords, Three of Swords. Both reversed.

Pull these swords out.

Clear as day. So, I put those two cards at the top of my desk. Studied them. Felt them. And just went with it.

I closed my eyes and returned to shuffling.

Continue reading “Swords Reversed Meditation”